Between me and an ex-friend: So I messed up, who doesn’t? Besides, you were at fault as much as me, if not more so. I apologized, I acted with respect and maturity; you did not. I tried to mend the torn fabric, but you just tore it even more. I tried to let it go, leave it behind without trashing it with hatred and sore feelings; you wouldn’t let it happen. You chucked the material into the garbage, treated me like dirt, and you had no right to do so. It was pathetic of you, and I wonder if you’ll ever have a single true friend in your life, any confidence, any beauty, anything….or will you always have nothing and have nobody to blame but yourself?

Between me and a small group: All those years, you never cared, never accepted. And you think I’m going to believe that you care now, just because I’m leaving? You’re full of shit! Ya’ll are a bunch of hypocritical jerks. Did you know you’re the reason we’re leaving? We’re leaving our home, the one we’ve been in for over fifteen years, because of your idiocy. How does it feel to be the cause of such a thing? Do you finally feel guilty? You should. You screwed over my entire family, so screw you.

Between me and illness: Why me? Why did you choose to attack me? I feel drained, tired, and in pain all of the time. I’m on a waiting list to see one of the best doctors in the state, and the earliest I can possibly get in is two months away. Do you know what it’s like to live like this for two months? Do you know what pain you’re causing when you host people? I don’t understand why this is happening, I’ve always been so healthy….

Between me and God: Heavenly Father, do you really love me? Deep down, I know the answer is yes, but I still can’t help asking. Why is all of this happening to my family? If it were just me, it’d be hard but not too bad. But it’s happening to all of us, why? We don’t deserve this bomb that has been dropped. However, I think it’s only right to admit that there are hundreds of people out there that have it worse than I do. I appreciate that, and I wish I could save the world from all the illness and heartache. But how can I possibly help somebody else when I can’t even help myself? Well, perhaps I’m being dramatic…. I have made some progress, but I’ve also gotten worse in some ways. I wish this battle will end. However, it not my will; it is yours. Thy will be done. I love you, and I am grateful for every blessing I have and thank you for all that is good in my life and pray it gets better and not worse. This is my rambly prayer. Amen.

Between me and my beautiful followers: I know how bad it hurts, how tempting it is to give up and waste away. But we simply cannot do that. We must stay on task, show God that we are worthy and that we are willing to pass the test, that we won’t give in to the Devil’s influence. Ladies, it’s time to end this suffering. It has gone on for way too long. We keep saying we’ll stop it, but we still haven’t. Let’s say it again…once more…make it final, and never need to say it again. Let’s end this suffering and gain the confidence and beauty we have always yearned to have. We can never have something worthwhile that we don’t work for, yes? Then let’s get back to work.

For those of you who have been asking: I’ve improved and made progress in some areas, fallen behind in others, and I feel like a mess… The good news is, I probably have until July 7 or 8 until I have to leave and absolutely have to be done. So I’ll make the new deadline July 1. I hope to reach my goals before then, but I think that’s a safer goal. Anyway, I haven’t had time to update my pages, but I will try to do that within the next few days. Tomorrow I’ll get back on schedule, for real this time. This time, and I sure hope this is the last time I have to say this, I will work harder than ever before and actually make my dreams reality. We can all make this our goal, let’s all start again tomorrow. A fresh, new day to make bigger, better changes so we can be better people.

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